Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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