its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
