man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize