Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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