Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
