I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Screwed.edu
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
