my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
