Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
