ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
