I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
