i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
