hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
