I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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