She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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