Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
