I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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