i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
