I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they're like a gay fantastic four
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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