So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize