How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
