i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
