You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The adults are the big ones right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize