Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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