I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
