i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
