sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
40s are totally the cure
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize