She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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