Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
