nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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