The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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