I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
