What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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