I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
