so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize