Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
