I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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