hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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