he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
