Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
