she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
