My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
