State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
