I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have fence marks all over my body
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
