everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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