very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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