life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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