the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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