I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
