The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
