I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
