I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
