i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
