it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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