Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
