I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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