I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
