She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
