That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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