she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
