Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So vagazzling was a success
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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