So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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