sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
