The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
