why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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