Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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