tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
