When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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