I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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