I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
