I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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