Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
