I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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