you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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