I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
