i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
