I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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