bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
