1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
