Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
