You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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