this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
