11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
