I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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