Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
