I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
