Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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