I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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