Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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