Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
