3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
