Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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