I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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