thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
