fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
