Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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