i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
