I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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