Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
