woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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