I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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