Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
