u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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