Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
