I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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