The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
