What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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