I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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