blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
